Meaning, Motivation, and Message

I have an Asian sibling, 4 Asian cousins, 2 Puerto Rican cousins, 1 Dominican cousin,
4 black and latino in-laws and 5 mixed babies in my family.
They say I can't wear white shirts, because Im so light it looks like Im naked.
I ask them how they can see through their chinky eyes.
They say that I lose when we play cops and robbers at night because I glow in the dark.
I give them a hard time when it takes them an hour to get one knot out of their hair.
They merciless taunt me when I come back looking like a lobster after being in the sun the first day of summer.
I yell "chino!" They yell "casper!"
And the family portraits drawn by the little kids are hilarious.

Its the way it is. We love each other, but I'm sure that every single day at least one person says something" racist" to someone else. That leads me to question whether racism is less an issue of words, but rather motive. Even when we do impressions of each other, I'm sure we do things that "racially-sensitive" souls would cringe at. We aren't maliciously bashing each others' "foreign-ness", though. We are comically pointing out our differences.
There's nothing wrong with that, because our message is ultimately one of care. Of course we give each other a hard time, but that doesn't mean we do anything out of the attitude that one of us is better because of our DNA structures or the color of our skin.
We understand that love and family surpasses all that.
I guess the point I want to make is that as we go through our daily life and "racist" comments, words, and images bombard us, we should look below surface level and try to find the true motives present at the time. Certain things have very potent meanings, but sometimes the ultimate message a person is trying to convey could be different that the typical connotation that that thing carries. I'm not trying to excuse or justify anything, only to challenge everyone to look a little deeper before they pull the racist card or get offended.

the N-word

Race issues seem to come up a lot in my daily life because of where i was born and who I am around most of my life. I am used to being surrounded by blacks, Latinos, and Asians in inner city settings. One of the biggest issues that comes up is the use of the N-word. Honestly, most people have wack ideas of the appropriateness or inappropriateness of the word. The people I respect are those who deem it inappropriate for all or appropriate for all.
I just don't get it when black people just throw around the word all day long, use it about and direct it towards white people and then get really mad if a white person even thinks about using it. Now, I'm not ignorant, I know that the N-word has extremely negative connotations and has been used by whites very wrongly in the past. I just don't get why the black population seems to want to keep the term in circulation so bad. Even more so, I don't get why the black population will use it right to their white friends faces, but then get really angry when their white friends use it back in a completely amicable way? When a black person has a white friend or girlfriend or wife and he calls her the n-word in a joking, kind context, why is it a mortal sin for her to do the same? It just seems inconsistent. To me, if you use it with some, you should allow them to use it with you. And if it offends you so much when you hear some people say it, you shouldn't be cool with furthering its use yourself.

Nasty, but needs to be questioned

lyrics (abridged version)
http://www.moron.nl/lyrics/lil-wayne/lollipop-lyrics.html
I Said he's so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper
So I letta lick the rapper
She she she lick me like a lollipop
She she lick me like a lollipop

[Chorus:] Shawty wanna thug (thug thug)
bottles in the club (club club)
shawty wanna hump and
ooo i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps

[Verse 1:Lil Wayne]
Okay, lil mama had a swag
like mine even wear her hair
down her back like mine
i make her feel right when
its wrong like lyin
Man, she ain never had a love like mine
but man i aint never seen a ass like hers
that pussy in my mouth
had me at a loss fo words
i told her to back it up like erp erp and
make that ass jump like shczerp shczerp
and thats when
she she she lick me like a lollipop( oh yeah i like that ) s
he she lick me like a lollipop ( oh yeah i like that )

[Verse 2:]
Shawty said the nigga that she with aint shit
Shawty said the nigga that she with aint this
Shawty said the nigga that she with cant hit
But shawty ima hit it(hit it) like i cant miss
And i cant do this and i dont do that shawty
needa a refund needa bring that nigga back
Just like a refund i tell her bring that ass back
and she bring that ass back (because i like that)

[Chorus:] Shawty wanna thug (thug thug)
bottles in the club (club club)
shawty wanna hump and
ooo i like to touch ya lovely lady lumps
Shawty call me so i can make it juicy fo ya
Call ca call me so so i can get it juicy fo ya
Call ca ca call me so so i can make it juicy fo ya
Ca Call me so so so i can get it juicy fo ya
Ca Call me so i can make it juicy fo ya

I get her on top she drop it like it hot
and when im at the bottom she Hilary Rodham
then we in the bed givin gettin head ( givin gettin head givin gettin head )
said mmmm i like that said
mmmm i like that i said mmmm i like that
yea i like that mmm mmmmm
Call me so i can come and do it fo ya
Call me so i can come and prove it fo ya
Call me so i can make it juicy fo ya
Call me so i can get it juicy fo ya
Shawty wanna li li li li lick me like a lollipop
She she lick me like a lollipop (lollipop)
Said he's so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper
So i let her lick the rapper

So even posting these lyrics on my page is making me sick to my stomach. I really don't even know where to begin. I hate this song. I think its demeaning to women. I think it has absolutely no message except one of trashy selfishness and it bothers me even more that it has become a hit. But, honestly, I'm not even gonna focus on the gender issue.
The biggest question I have is if this music video is a picture of what the black community wants to promote as the black man: a guy with a limo-van filled with half naked women all wanting to give him oral sex? Its weird, but I feel like if a white man were to put out this same video, he would be looked more at like a disgrace. I don't think he would be gettin repped as much. However, when a black man puts forth this image, he is mad popular and he gets mad money. Why? Do black people have a certain unspoken leniency? What is it more approved of of black music artist to talk about such themes in such language and its not looked down upon by the majority of society, but instead acknowledged as a man doing big things?
Maybe I'm just not seeing something, but there seems to be a double standard. In this case. seemingly to the benefit of black males, but I think to the detriment of black culture as a whole.

The RACIST napkin

So, last year my friends had this thing where they would hold up a napkin with the word RACIST written on it every time they felt like I made a racist comment. Apparently, this happened frequently enough that they actually began to carry around napkins with them where ever we would go.
Let me explain that the crew was usually all black kids except for me.

I am a very inquisitive person and I am not afraid to say what I'm thinking or voice any questions I might have.

One night we were all in the cafeteria and one of our mutual (black) friends was talking to us and said that he had to run over to another building real fast. I immediate thought of the countless comments from my friends about the way I walk and the way "white people" walk in general. "Like they are running" they said.

I wanted to clarify something.
Working off of the "non-racist" comments that white people run when (to me) they are just walking, I asked my friend when he said he had to "run" over to that building, whether he meant he was just going to walk really fast.
I wasn't trying to be smart.
I was genuinely curious.
The words barely got out my mouth and the napkins were whipped out and pushed in front of my face.
I don't get it. Why can black people make statements and there is never any grounded offense, but a white person asks a question and everyones accusing you of racism.
What do you think?